Twas the night before Rivian Christmas ??

[moosehead]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the forum,
Few Rivians delivered, members salty with boredom.
Orders placed many years past with great care,
In the hopes that their Rivians s00n would be there.
Configurations decided upon and wrestled to bed,
AT wheelsets, Forest Green, and a warm shade of Red.
And RJ in his Patagucci, and Normal rethinking tonneau caps,
Had just burned through another $2 Billion, oh snap!
Roof top tents became scarce, need a spare, no camp kitchen,
And Munro cutting costs, where’s my max pack, tons of bitchin’.
When out on the lawn half-shafts making a clatter,
I was about to hit send on a Lightning deposit, no matter.
Away to the window, hoping to see Santa at our abode,
His sleigh, a Rivian with Hakkapelittas and snow mode.

When what to my wondering eyes, must be drunk,
It’s my Rivian! Fully kitted, toys stuffed in the frunk.
And a young knowing Guide dressed in Carhart, aint a snob,
Flashed a toothy grin and tossed me the Fob.
More rapid than most rigs, I launched her, toes curled,
The 3 seconds to 60 caught me off guard and I hurled.
Laughing with glee that Rivian elf, oh so sage,
Shouted into the night, “your truck will get better with age”.
“Now camping, now pets, battery management - OTA,”
“Offroad prowess, app functions, but you still want CarPlay?”
After that couldn’t hear him as I cranked up the tunes,
Sounded great, quiet engines, plush seating, and no fumes.
So beautiful and sexy, forgot delays, Tony’s fumbles,
Favorite feature - vented seats - that blow gently ‘cross your grundle.

Before leaving, the Guide asked if I wanted to know more,
I politely declined and mashed pedal to floor.
Many hours were spent watching You Toobers content sprawl,
Owners Manuals are not needed Rivian Forums know it all.
Thinking of all the great rigs in my fleet from the past,
All loud, heavily modded, and stinking of gas.
Uber SUV’s, two-door coupes, several trucks, some eccentric,
Though never have had such a vehicle so electric.
All skepticism faded in our garage where she charged,
Behind the wheel, what excitement, my glands so enlarged!
10 modes, one pedal driving, kilowatt hours, no locking diffs,
Sport setting for the wife, how she likes it, always stiff.

While stocks including Rivian are now quite distressed,
RJ deserves credit for a 10-year overnight success.
Rivian Compass will one day be as strong as Nike Swoosh,
Quite opposite of Elon, lost his shit, what a doosh!
Alternatives such as solar, wind, and hydro, run the gamut,
Perhaps together we can somehow save the planet.
As you finally take delivery of your R1, it will transcend,
Worth waiting, keep the faith, Merry Christmas internet friends.

Sponsored

 

[DaveA]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the forum,
Few Rivians delivered, members salty with boredom.
Orders placed many years past with great care,
In the hopes that their Rivians s00n would be there.
Configurations decided upon and wrestled to bed,
AT wheelsets, Forest Green, and a warm shade of Red.
And RJ in his Patagucci, and Normal rethinking tonneau caps,
Had just burned through another $2 Billion, oh snap!
Roof top tents became scarce, need a spare, no camp kitchen,
And Munro cutting costs, where’s my max pack, tons of bitchin’.
When out on the lawn half-shafts making a clatter,
I was about to hit send on a Lightning deposit, no matter.
Away to the window, hoping to see Santa at our abode,
His sleigh, a Rivian with Hakkapelittas and snow mode.

When what to my wondering eyes, must be drunk,
It’s my Rivian! Fully kitted, toys stuffed in the frunk.
And a young knowing Guide dressed in Carhart, aint a snob,
Flashed a toothy grin and tossed me the Fob.
More rapid than most rigs, I launched her, toes curled,
The 3 seconds to 60 caught me off guard and I hurled.
Laughing with glee that Rivian elf, oh so sage,
Shouted into the night, “your truck will get better with age”.
“Now camping, now pets, battery management - OTA,”
“Offroad prowess, app functions, but you still want CarPlay?”
After that couldn’t hear him as I cranked up the tunes,
Sounded great, quiet engines, plush seating, and no fumes.
So beautiful and sexy, forgot delays, Tony’s fumbles,
Favorite feature - vented seats - that blow gently ‘cross your grundle.

Before leaving, the Guide asked if I wanted to know more,
I politely declined and mashed pedal to floor.
Many hours were spent watching You Toobers content sprawl,
Owners Manuals are not needed Rivian Forums know it all.
Thinking of all the great rigs in my fleet from the past,
All loud, heavily modded, and stinking of gas.
Uber SUV’s, two-door coupes, several trucks, some eccentric,
Though never have had such a vehicle so electric.
All skepticism faded in our garage where she charged,
Behind the wheel, what excitement, my glands so enlarged!
10 modes, one pedal driving, kilowatt hours, no locking diffs,
Sport setting for the wife, how she likes it, always stiff.

While stocks including Rivian are now quite distressed,
RJ deserves credit for a 10-year overnight success.
Rivian Compass will one day be as strong as Nike Swoosh,
Quite opposite of Elon, lost his shit, what a doosh!
Alternatives such as solar, wind, and hydro, run the gamut,
Perhaps together we can somehow save the planet.
As you finally take delivery of your R1, it will transcend,
Worth waiting, keep the faith, Merry Christmas internet friends.

That was amazing...well done!

 

[kewlasu]

? only you moosehead can bring Santa out of the closet ?

 

[kanundrum]

As always kudos good sir!! Quality ?

 

[Rasputin]

Pure holiday genius! Just when I start thinking these forums get too salty to return to, something like this comes along... Way to go OP!

 

[Jack Smoke]

 

[acirillo]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the forum,
Few Rivians delivered, members salty with boredom.
Orders placed many years past with great care,
In the hopes that their Rivians s00n would be there.
Configurations decided upon and wrestled to bed,
AT wheelsets, Forest Green, and a warm shade of Red.
And RJ in his Patagucci, and Normal rethinking tonneau caps,
Had just burned through another $2 Billion, oh snap!
Roof top tents became scarce, need a spare, no camp kitchen,
And Munro cutting costs, where’s my max pack, tons of bitchin’.
When out on the lawn half-shafts making a clatter,
I was about to hit send on a Lightning deposit, no matter.
Away to the window, hoping to see Santa at our abode,
His sleigh, a Rivian with Hakkapelittas and snow mode.

When what to my wondering eyes, must be drunk,
It’s my Rivian! Fully kitted, toys stuffed in the frunk.
And a young knowing Guide dressed in Carhart, aint a snob,
Flashed a toothy grin and tossed me the Fob.
More rapid than most rigs, I launched her, toes curled,
The 3 seconds to 60 caught me off guard and I hurled.
Laughing with glee that Rivian elf, oh so sage,
Shouted into the night, “your truck will get better with age”.
“Now camping, now pets, battery management - OTA,”
“Offroad prowess, app functions, but you still want CarPlay?”
After that couldn’t hear him as I cranked up the tunes,
Sounded great, quiet engines, plush seating, and no fumes.
So beautiful and sexy, forgot delays, Tony’s fumbles,
Favorite feature - vented seats - that blow gently ‘cross your grundle.

Before leaving, the Guide asked if I wanted to know more,
I politely declined and mashed pedal to floor.
Many hours were spent watching You Toobers content sprawl,
Owners Manuals are not needed Rivian Forums know it all.
Thinking of all the great rigs in my fleet from the past,
All loud, heavily modded, and stinking of gas.
Uber SUV’s, two-door coupes, several trucks, some eccentric,
Though never have had such a vehicle so electric.
All skepticism faded in our garage where she charged,
Behind the wheel, what excitement, my glands so enlarged!
10 modes, one pedal driving, kilowatt hours, no locking diffs,
Sport setting for the wife, how she likes it, always stiff.

While stocks including Rivian are now quite distressed,
RJ deserves credit for a 10-year overnight success.
Rivian Compass will one day be as strong as Nike Swoosh,
Quite opposite of Elon, lost his shit, what a doosh!
Alternatives such as solar, wind, and hydro, run the gamut,
Perhaps together we can somehow save the planet.
As you finally take delivery of your R1, it will transcend,
Worth waiting, keep the faith, Merry Christmas internet friends.

That was freaking awesome!!

 

[NormalLife]

Fantastic!

 

[Rousie13]

Pure holiday genius! Just when I start thinking these forums get too salty to return to, something like this comes along... Way to go OP!

Haha. I’m glad I’m not the only one that is getting tired of all of the constant complaining about everything!

Op, this was pretty good and definitely made me laugh. Good job!

 

[madgrey]

Thank you. That made me cry with laughter. Definitely some inside jokes in there, well done.

 

[COdogman]

Last year, @AdamsFan1983 wrote a version referring to himself “taking a crap” and yours includes hurling. This is why I love this forum. I’m so proud

 

[AdamsFan1983]

Last year, @AdamsFan1983 wrote a version referring to himself “taking a crap” and yours includes hurling. This is why I love this forum. I’m so proud

Haha; everyman deserves his moment in the sun: @moosehead kudos.

Still, the original does have a certain literary penache if I do say so.

'Twas the night before delivery, when all thro' the house,
The forum was stirring, with Peashooters shouts;
The charger was hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that RIvians work soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of gear tunnels danc'd in their heads,
And Mama in her gear shop tee, and I in my cap,
Had just closed RJs email and taken a crap-
When out on the lawn there arose such a bird chirp,
I grabbed my white hydro flask, with opened lid and slurped.
Away to the window I saw a green charge bar,
Tore open the shutters, and cursed Elons cars.
The dew on the bed showing compass icons ,
and the premium speakers built by meridi-an;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a motorized bed cover, and panels so near,
With a little camp speaker, so lively and brite,
The gear guard so watchful should I get in a fight.
More rapid than lightning, clocking 3.2,
And it whistled, and hummed, as I dropped my lead shoe.
"Now! Midnight, now! Limestone, now! launch green, and glacier,
On! El cap, on! canyon, on! Forest and silver;
"To the top of the hill! Or the lot of the mall!
"Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the frunk
The prancing and pawing of each little punk.
As I looked for the kids, and was turning around,
Up the lifting hood came, and the children did bound:
They were laughing with joy, and giddy to boot,
And they asked me when daddy would make this thing scoot;
A vegan seat keeping my toasty butt warm,
And a real wood grain dashboard that wasn’t so norm:
My keycard - how it twinkled! the wristband too,
Now drive modes so many, this all seems so new;
My droll little car parked in the garage,
This new ride so cool it seemed a mirage;
The stump of a gear stalk he held tight in his hand,
And the smoke it began lifting having taken command.
He had a broad face, as those 22’s spun,
They shook and they laugh'd, having barrels of fun
The screens were so brite, and nimble as well,
And in spite of the cup holders He found this this thing swell;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know we we’re losing more tread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And buried the pedal ; then turn'd with a jerk,
And laying his foot off around 1-1-8
And giving a nod, and fist bump and shake.
He came to a stop, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-
Happy delivery to all, and to all a good night

 

[DirtyJester]

Both very well done!! ??

 

[COdogman]

 

[moosehead]

Regift bump.

Speaking of regifting, the wife evidently did not throw my favorite sweater in the trash.

I will in turn regift it to @COdogman.

‘‘Tis the season.

Sponsored